Empowering Question: When did I begin to lay my own opinions
of myself aside and begin to care only about what others think of me?
Are you one person, or are you many different people depending on who you are with and who they expect you to be? When others are with you,
do they see the real you, or do they see a reflection of who they think you are? Are you afraid to be your real self because you think others won't approve of you? If so, ask yourself when other people's opinions
became so important in your life. When did your own opinion of yourself disappear through the cracks?
If you pressure yourself because you believe that every person you come into contact with MUST like you, you
are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself. Remember, not everyone is meant to be compatible. Not everyone is going to like you no matter how hard you try to make it happen. I'm sure you don't like
everyone you meet either – it's just a fact of life!
Have you ever considered the costs of trying so hard to make everyone like you? There is a certain amount of anxiety involved as you put on one mask and then
another trying to find the right mask to wear to disguise the real you and become someone else people will like better. And when you finally find the right mask, you anxiety doesn't disappear, does it? You
begin to worry that you might not be able to continue the charade – you might slip up and let the real you come out.
If you're continually switching masks to please others and never allowing them to see who you really
are, how can you possibly know who your true friends are? You can't know. In reality, YOU don't have any true friends because those people are all the friends of whatever mask you happen to be wearing when you're
with them. And you know those masks are not the real authentic you.
So how can you change your perspective? What steps can you take to improve your confidence so you begin to take off the masks and show
your authentic self to others? It's as easy as 1-2-3.
First you need to establish your personal foundation. Who are you? What do you like about yourself? What do you admire in others?
Second, take inventory of the people in your life. Are these people you admire? What are their qualities? Do their values support your values?
Lastly, do some "housecleaning". If these are
people you really don't admire because of their qualities and/or their values, then consider how important the relationship is to you.
Life is short, and every day we spend wearing a mask to please someone else
is a day wasted. Life is so much easier and has fewer complications when we are not afraid to show our true unique self to the world.
~~Weekly Challenge~~
- To establish your personal foundation, list your best qualities, the values that are important to you, and the qualities and values of the people in your life. Prioritize both of these lists and see how
closely others match your own.
- To take inventory of others in your life, make a list of the people in your life and put a star next to those who have the qualities and values you prioritized highly in the previous step. Then for each
name you have starred, think of at least one way you can nurture this relationship.
- For the people whose names were not starred, think carefully about your relationship with them. Is it one that boosts you up, that you can draw strength from? Or is it a toxic relationship that drags
you down? If you believe the relationship is toxic, consider how you can leave this person behind so you can begin to live a more authentic life.
Good Luck.
