My husband has a habit of
embellishing the truth about things that concern him. When he talks about how much he paid for something, how far he ran, how many hours it took him to finish a project, he always rounds up or down, whichever best
suits his story. I've dubbed it "The Kozak Rounding Factor", and even he has to smile because he's
aware that someone is on to him. What he's doing is telling lies – little lies that don't hurt anyone,
but lies just the same. Then I began to focus on myself. Why is it that when I'm late for an appointment because I got a late start, I blame it on the traffic? Why is it I say "I don't care" when
asked where I want to go to dinner when I really do care what I eat? I don't consider myself a liar, but where do all these little white lies come from?
We all lie, and then we rationalize that the situation
required a lie – things would be blown out of proportion if we didn't lie – things would be too uncomfortable if we didn't lie. We convince ourselves that our lies are really for the best because they avoid
conflict or they save someone's feelings.
In reality, lies hurt you, no matter how small they are. They damage your integrity. Feelings are avoided. Communication is squelched. Lies allow us to miss
the intimacy of telling the truth to someone else in our life and having a meaningful dialog to move the relationship forward. And most importantly, when you lie, you miss the chance to be true to yourself!
People pleasers live their lives by lying. I should know -- I am a people pleaser working very hard (and fairly successfully) to be true to myself no matter what others think. Every time we say something to please
another at our own expense, we chip away at our self-esteem and our self-love.
We lie so we don't have to ask for help. We lie so we don't have to apologize. We lie so we won't hurt someone's
feelings. We lie so others will love us. We lie so we don't feel our own pain.
The most dangerous thing about all of our little white lies is that we say them often enough, and we begin to believe
them. Our lies become our truth. And if our personal truth is built on lies, it is on a shaky foundation to be sure, one that will surely crumble and leave us with nothing.
~~~ Weekly Challenge ~~~
1. List 5 lies that you tell frequently.
2. Who are you protecting when you tell these lies?
3. If you told the truth in these situations, what's the worst that would happen?
4. Target one day this week to be a
"No Lies" day. See if you can make it through 24 hours with no lies coming from your lips. (This does not give you license to blurt out blunt truths to others, but it does give you the right to withhold your
opinion by refusing to comment or by answering questions being tactful not hurtful.)
Good Luck!
Cindy
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